Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
