respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
