u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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