I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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