I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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