Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
