Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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