ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Pants are for mortals
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
