how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
