Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
