Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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