I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
