did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
