I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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