Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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