Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
