Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
