i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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