Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
