i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
