The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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