I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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