Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
