On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Who wears a wallet chain?!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
