In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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