I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
