Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Never underestimate the power of titties
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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