Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
