If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
