Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
