p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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