Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize