dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
