There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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