Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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