I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
