I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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