He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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