ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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