a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
