this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize