It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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