I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize