so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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