i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
