I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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