and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
