sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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