why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
