I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
