shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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