Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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