She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
