Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
