He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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