every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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