Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
