I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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