There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
