she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Even my vagina gasped.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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