She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
