Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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