I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
