the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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