Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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