I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize