I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
