Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
