I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
