garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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