Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
home. puking in laundry basket.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
