I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just high enough for therapy.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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