remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
