seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
