somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
