my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
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