Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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