i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
