I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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