The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
