Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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