made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
