I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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