forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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