I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
