Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
