if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
