it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
