Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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