Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
