Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize