she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize