thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
