I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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