I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize