you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
