your thong is hanging out like whoa
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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