Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
