why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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