i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
