worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
