there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
