Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
