I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
