your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
