take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
