Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
