i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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