i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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